Dazed, beautiful and bruised

Outtake from a recent shoot in which I was a shoe pirate :) Arrrrrr!

 

Currently unedited (the friend who took it processes all shots... Grrr...), but it's funny and I like it.

And because I feel the need to share.... Have some poetry.

Beauty and the Beast | Jaimes Alsop

1. The Beast

Knowing how you loved the birds

I fixed them to the trees

so they wouldn't fly away.

So you would stay.

 

And you remained silent

and never questioned my bloody palms

or reproached me the birds

because they didn't sing.

 

It couldn't last, of course.

No new birds came and those crucified

were taken by small animals or simply

disappeared from the nails.

I was sure then that you would leave me.

 

Finally I confessed.

Trembling, I brought you the hammer

and showed my broken fingers.

Leaves and branches in my hair,

the diagrams of Autumn

on the sky.

 

And you smiled and said it didn't matter

about the birds

and drank at my tears

like a rare and fragile wine

that they too would not be wasted.

 

2. Beauty

I came to you so carelessly

there were those who thought I had not been warned.

I could only point to the false lovers who carried marks

where you had pressed coins into their palms

and admit I was impatient for your scars.

 

The rumours followed us as easily

as if you murdered me every night;

hemlock in my evening wine,

a loosened bannister on the stair.

The dull villagers and daft princes

waited still and at distances

for grave news and relentless

until I could only point again

at their jealous eyes and whisper

I had discovered why you handled me

as though I were made of glass.

 

I know they want to know about our bodies.

Our virginity confuses them

and they are reduced to words and silences.

What shall we allow them to believe?

 

We are a thousand years old, no histories

and nothing to confess.

People sometimes ask us what we do datewise with girlfriends. Well, it goes something like this.

We have a lovely dinner, chat, snuggle...

Then spontaneously decide to drive to the 24/7 tesco, buy insane happy things and re-enact xkcd webcomics at stupid o'clock :-D :-D :-D

Our bedroom is now actually now a ball room. Our puppy is terrified by them. I, on the other hand, am ecstatic! Plus, my dodgeball skills were *very* useful in the fight that ensued.

I love my life. In other, related news, it was our anniversary with

ebee the other week. Go us :)

 

Hope everyone else had a lovely evening. And remember... “We're grown-ups now, and it's our turn to decide what that means”...

Lxx

I have a headache and my granddad just died. This has not been a good year for relatives, you know, surviving :(

I need painkillers and a hug. Hopefully Ben shall be here soon with both.

Stupid stuff to cheer me up much appreciated.

So, I was shopping today, in Kingston-Upon-Thames, which is a fab place to shop (though occasionally a bit too big). And the high street has all of those people, charity workers, buskers (freakishly good quality buskers, actually, it's a bit like walking down a road of people auditioning for the next west end musical) etc. And I ignored most of them, as usual, because there is Stuff To Be Done.

But along one end of the street there was a flurry of action. People writing stuff, shaking hands, nodding emphatically, talking animatedly. I didn't pay much attention to it. And as I approached, a guy came up to me with a clipboard and what looked like a mailing list. I was tired, cold and needed to sit down, so as he began to ask "Would you like to sign..." I was already walking past with a "Sorry, no thanks.". His voice trailed off: "... a petition against the BNP?"

I think he was a little shocked at how quickly I managed to spin around, whip a pen out of my bag and almost bellow "Hell yes!".

We joined the crowd of people and I think I stayed for at least a good half hour, talking, signing things, offering support. And buying a round of tea for the people running the petition. And the great thing was that in that time, pretty much only a handful of people actually declined to sign it. Hundreds and hundreds of signatures were attained *whilst I was there*, people joining us, voicing their rage.

Ahhhhh. Burning anger. It managed to warm us all up, I think.

"The 1st annual London Festival of Japanese Art Rope Bondage is coming!

What. I can't. understand. WHY?!




FFS. It made me cry with hysteria the first time I saw it... not utterly certain if that is good or bad, though...

"... To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle."

For the pre-raphaelite lovers amongst us... the start of a new series...

Lxx

One of the shots from my latest shoot... First time this girl had ever modeled. She was very, very good. Will be shooting again with her next week hopefully!

Other than that, it has been a bit of a crappy week. But I have cupcakes and photos to play around with, so all is well :)

Lxx

PS Club launch night went very well indeed... *Very* well... Still happy and slightly smug about that one :-D

Very ill. Slept for more than 17 hours for no reason whatsoever, am somehow slightly delirious despite having no fever, my skin is incredibly painful and I burst into tears earlier because the boyfriend had got a haircut. It looks good on him, but I am feeling so fragile because of this stupid lurgie that anything changing which I am not expecting it is having a massive impact on me.

And now I am tired *again*. Why?!

In other news, to cheer myself up I bought shoes. They are awesome :-D

Meme because I am bored.... Stolen from various people.

Three Names I go by:

1. Lily
2. Mossling
3. Ella

Three Jobs I have had in my life:

1. Herbalist
2. Bookshop and events assistant
3. Photographer

Three Places I have lived:

1. London
2. Tenerife
3. My mind

Three TV Shows that I watch:

1. House
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. Dollhouse

Three places I have been:

1. Lithuania
2. The Netherlands... A lot.
3. Hungary


Three of my favorite foods:

1. The Sacred Houmous
2. Berries of all kinds
3. Anything that goes with a nice cup of tea

Three songs you love:

1. Atmadja - Cirque du Soleil
2. Every You Every Me- Placebo
3. Breath Control - Recoil (best poetry/song ever)

Three books you would read more than once:

1. Staying Alive - Poetry Anthology
2. Fugitive Pieces - Anne Michaels
3. Anything by Mircea Eliade

Three movies you love:

1. Brick
2. Magnolia
3. St Trinians

Three friends I think will re-post

1. ebee 
2. duranorak 
3. wild_heart 

Things I am looking forward to: (in order of time)

1. Spending the evening in watching House, dozing and snuggling up to Ben <3
2. Meeting tyrell finally this Sat, then going on to a certain Dinner Party afterwards.
3. All the photoshoots I have set up for next week :-D

Three drinks:

1. Water
2. Wine
3. Dr Pepper

Three people you miss:

1. Grandad Peter
2. Fergus
3. Sam, even though she's just on a trip up to Manchester atm.

</lj></lj></lj></lj>

I got accepted to exhibit at SEAF (http://www.seattleerotic.org/site2/) :-D

"Dear Miss Moss:

We are delighted to inform you that you have been selected to show in the 2009 Seattle Erotic Art Festival. Your work was one of 215 pieces chosen from 2,100 submissions we received from 530 artists in 38 states and 29 countries. Congratulations!"

Happy, Happy, Happy!

Regrettably, I probably won't be able to get over to Seattle for the exhibition, but I am so honoured that my work got through. It was an utter last min thing and the standards are so high I honestly didn't think I had a chance. I am so utterly delighted right now :-)

Lxx

laptop has died, meaning that I am writing this on I phone :-/ sorry to all those who I have failed to reply to, I will be getting onto it asap when I have puterage back!

Much love

Lxx

Last year I took over 50,000 photographs.

50,000!!!

It's a lot, even for me.

Oooof. Archiving them is going to be interesting....

...No see.

Hey all, hope everyone had a merry Christmas... Mine went shockingly smoothly. I love it when that happens :-D

Quick update:

Right now: it is 6.36 am, my sleeping pattern is severely messed up and I have slept a stupidly long amount in the past few days. Have to be awake in a few hours as am hosting dinner party for close friends. Overall = Good.

Health: My eyesight in my right eye has gone a bit wonky :( Which is giving me stress headaches :( And I still can't feel my hands :( And I have more tests and check ups from Monday :( Overall = BAD. ANGER. RAGE.

Social: Due to illness can only really make it out and about once a week. Therefore, thank goodness for lovely, lovely friends who come and visit and entertain me and make me feel less crap and generally very optimistic. Love, love, love you all. Overall = Very Good.

Uni: May interrupt studies for a year and go back next Jan due to the partial blindness/ lack of any sensation in hands. Not as bad as it sounds; will give me a year to focus on photography (if sight gets better) and dissertation research (have had concept approved). Still a bit annoying; I hate changing plans. Argh. Angst. Overall = Mediocre, bordering on Good. Lots of opportunities for many Good Things :)

Family: Mostly good. Immediate family very well indeed :) Grandmother-Who-I-Hate has brain tumour and less than a year to live. Very sudden and surprising diagnosis. Not sure how I feel at the moment. Still dislike her very, very much. Overall = Undecided.

Sorry for the odd layout of this post, but I'm rather tired.  Hope everyone is doing ok,

Big hugs,

Lxx

Quick update because I know some of you have been worried...

I went to the hospital on Monday. I was having trouble taking a deep breath... not that I couldn't breathe or anything, but there was tightness around my lungs and it worried me. And the numbness had spread to almost all of my body. So much for being too busy to be ill.

So, I got seen by a nurse in A&E, who did a heart trace(?) thing on me, which is where all those little stickers in the photo came from. I also got my blood pressure taken, then got sent to minors where the Doctor who saw me did a load of response tests. Then she did the reaction test... the one where they tap you on the knee to make it jerk. And mine didn't. So she got a nurse to take me into majors.

I got to Majors, got shown to a cubicle and waited there for about 10 mins. Then another Dr came over with my chart, asked me a few questions and got me to change into a hospital gown. My blood was taken (at which point I get damn near hysterical - I hate having blood drawn), then sensory exams were done... at one point my eyes were closed and he was jabbing a needle into my leg and all I could feel was a soft brushing sensation. He asked me what it is and I replied "Tissue paper?". I was told not to try and stand up; to stay on the medical bed and that I would be taken through to have a chest x-ray by someone asap.

Some lovely old porter insisted on wheeling me through on the bed (even though I could have walked) to the radiology dept. I ended up sitting in a room full of people who were all sitting in rows of metal chairs, all waiting for tests. I got taken straight through, had my x-rays done then got wheeled back to Majors. Where I waited. On my bed. For ages.

Upshot? My x-rays came back clean, my blood is mostly clean, other than something going on with my immune system or something and I have been referred to a Neurology specialist for further examination. So everything should be ok. So long as it's not Guillain-Barré syndrome (which they've promised me it isn't!), I should be ok.

I went to see my GP again a couple of days ago and have got a referral to a Neurologist, who I should be seeing early this coming week.

The annoying thing is that it has got to my hands so much that I can't type for longer than 15 mins without them aching and cramping. Which means I am now really behind on my essays :(
I have also got the flu, an earache to match it and the numbness has spread to my shoulder and it now hurts to move my neck.

BUT!!!

I can feel parts of my legs again :D :D :D

Which means it may go away without ever having to have any scary test/operation/medicine :)

And I can walk without my knees buckling again!

Overall? I'm happy and hopeful <3

Love to you all xxxx

I can't feel much below the waist. My little and ring fingers on both hands are almost numb. I am having difficulty walking as I can't really feel where my feet are. I have been told to go straight to the hospital if I stop breathing so that I can be intubated. I am throwing a party tonight.

I hate this spine-virus-lack-of-nerve-processing thing. It needs to go away asap; I am too busy to deal with this right now.

Uni makes me obsess about poetry, ergo the many uploads. Hope you enjoy; if not, feel free to ignore them...

The Half Moon by Christina Rossetti

The half moon shows a face of plaintive sweetness
  Ready and poised to wax or wane;
A fire of pale desire in incompleteness,
  Tending to pleasure or to pain:—
Lo, while we gaze she rolleth on in fleetness
  To perfect loss or perfect gain.

Half bitterness we know, we know half sweetness;
  This world is all on wax, on wane:
When shall completeness round time’s incompleteness,
  Fulfilling joy, fulfilling pain?—
Lo, while we ask, life rolleth on in fleetness
  To finished loss or finished gain.

Because it's cool :P

 

( quizzy goodness... )

Take What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test at HelloQuizzy

</div>

The Moon and the Yew tree

This is the light of the mind, cold and planetary.
The trees of the mind are black. The light is blue.
The grasses unload their griefs at my feet as if I were God,
Prickling my ankles and murmuring of their humility.
Fumy spiritious mists inhabit this place
Separated from my house by a row of headstones.
I simply cannot see where there is to get to.

The moon is no door. It is a face in its own right,
White as a knuckle and terribly upset.
It drags the sea after it like a dark crime; it is quiet
With the O-gape of complete despair. I live here.
Twice on Sunday, the bells startle the sky -
Eight great tongues affirming the Resurrection.
At the end, they soberly bong out their names.

The yew tree points up. It has a Gothic shape.
The eyes lift after it and find the moon.
The moon is my mother. She is not sweet like Mary.
Her blue garments unloose small bats and owls.
How I would like to believe in tenderness -
The face of the effigy, gentled by candles,
Bending, on me in particular, its mild eyes.

I have fallen a long way. Clouds are flowering
Blue and mystical over the face of the stars.
Inside the church, the saints will be all blue,
Floating on their delicate feet over cold pews,
Their hands and faces stiff with holiness.
The moon sees nothing of this. She is bald and wild.
And the message of the yew tree is blackness - blackness and silence.

Sylvia Plath


Grey London
Originally uploaded by Mossling